For my nearly 30 years of existence, the film industry has had my trust. Sure, Hollywood has produced a lot of garbage since it figuratively poofed into existence at the beginning of the 20th century. But for every loser, there seemed to be a winner. Every bust had a boom. Every flop had a hit. Every Evan Almighty had a Step Brothers. Every The Happening had an I Am Legend. Every X-Men: The Last Stand had a Spider-Man 2.
Now, it seems like there is just loss after gut punch after loss after disappointment after loss. It wasn't all bad, but almost every single blockbuster (big event film) fell flat on its cinematic face.
For the first time in my entire life, in the year of 2022, I looked at movies and thought, "I don't trust you anymore."
And that hurts.
Hopefully 2023 is better.
70. The Bubble; F
The Bubble tries to satirize what life would be like for actors who are stuck in production limbo when a pandemic postpones their movie. Obviously you know where this idea came from. It's not only insensitive, it's pathetic and terribly unfunny.
69. We're All Going to the World's Fair; F
The trailers piqued my interest but in the back of my mind I definitely thought: "This could easily be one of those low budget indie films where absolutely nothing happens. At all." I was right, but I'm not giving myself any credit for that.
68. Broadcast; F
Gets the award for the cheapest effort of the year. Broadcast has a cool premise that feels like 2011's Limitless, which I gave an A-. This does not get an A or B or C or even a D.
67. Fall; F
The acting and story are laughable. The green screen work is actually pretty good. Unless they really did put these actors up that high? They are very annoying so it's a possibility.
66. Bones and All; F
Based on a book, this is a film that will make you not want to watch or read anything for at least a week.
65. The Stranger; D-
Joel Edgerton has made some fantastic movies both in Hollywood and back in his home of Australia. Animal Kingdom (A in 2010) is great and I'm pretty sure it inspired that TNT television series you've never watched but have seen a thousand ads for. The Stranger is dull despite Edgerton and Sean Harris's best.
64. Amsterdam; D-
From this star-studded cast, find the one that doesn't fit. Christian Bale, Margot Robbie, John David Washington, Anna Taylor-Joy, Rami Malek, Mike Myers, Alessandro Nivola, Zoe Saldana, Timothy Olyphant, Taylor Swift, Michael Shannon, Chris Rock and Robert De Niro.
Also don't watch this boring movie.
63. Resurrection; D-
Rebecca Hall has become a must-watch actor for me, but I can't make the same recommendation for the snoozer that is Resurrection. There's an idea, but it painfully lacks purpose.
62. Gold; D-
How do you make a movie about being stranded in the desert interesting? Not like this.
61. Scream; D-
The Scream franchise started strong - I gave the first two an A and A- respectively - and then like many horror movies that try to overextend themselves, it got bad and fast. I've lost count of how many Scream movies there have been and apparently they have too because they just called this "Scream" again.
60. Jurassic World: Dominion; D-
The trajectory of the Jurassic Park and Star Wars reboot sequels have been oddly similar. Both of the first entries in their respective trilogies, The Force Awakens and Jurassic World, received A+'s from yours truly. Their sequels fell flat on their faces; The Last Jedi (D- in 2017) and Fallen Kingdom (D in 2018) destroyed not only the new movies, but continued to dilute and insult their famous predecessors.
Rise of Skywalker limped to a C in 2019 and here we are with Dominion at a D-. These movies aren't just bad and hard to stomach for fans of the franchises, they are so sloppily put together and written with such laziness and ignorance that you begin to wonder if its intentional. Somehow, I feel that would make it better. (The situation - not the movies.)
59. Men; D
Alex Garland delivered one of my all-time favorite movies of all time in 2015 with Ex Machina (A+, currently #28 on the Infinity List). He followed that up with another banger, Annihilation (A in 2018), but the attempt at a three-peat went for not. Men is an odd movie and it might be perfect for 2022 because it basically says that all men deep down are the same- and that we are yucky. That doesn't seem very fair!
58. Morbius; D
I have not been a fan of Sony's Venom movies and my expectations for Morbius, an obscure villain in Spider-Man's rogues gallery, were lower than a vampire's sun tan lotion supply. Sony tries to give him the anti-hero treatment and just like their Venom spin-offs, it's best treated as a joke. Sony even seemed to embrace the memes and jokes that the movie inspired. Jared Leto's last comic book movie saw him play a ridiculous imitation of the Joker. This isn't much better.
57. Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore; D
What are the first four letters of Dumbledore? There you go. The Fantastic Beasts franchise always had the tough task of measuring up to the original MCU: the Harry Potter movies. Things started out on decent ground in 2016; I gave the first one a B. The sequel was not just bad, but one of the worst movies I have ever seen (67th out off 67 movies in 2018). The ending of that uneventful movie set the stage for Johnny Depp to be the star of the third, but his legal fiasco with Amber Heard saw him booted in favor of the talented Mads Mikkelsen. But at that point, it didn't matter anymore.
56. Deep Water; D+
It wants to be Gone Girl (A- in 2014) 2.0. It even stars Ben Affleck. The movie drowns in its own ambitions. (Whatever they were.)
55. The Exorcism of God; D+
Another exorcist movie and not much new brought to the table. And a blatant, unnecessary homophobic line near the end of the film. Nothing in the Bible backs up homophobia.
54. The Pale Blue Eye; D+
The old folksy, colonial dialogue is fun to track and Christian Bale is always reliable, but this Edgar Allan Poe mystery is a snooze fest.
53. The Gray Man; D+
The Russo Brothers get back together with Chris Evans, give him a twirling mustache, every cliche bad guy line in the book, and make everything explode. It's loud and dumb and no matter how good the action is, I didn't care about the movie so the theatrics meant nothing. Ironically, the Russo Brothers said pretty much exactly that in the Blu-Ray commentary for one of their Captain America movies: Action is nothing without a story behind it.
52. Empire of Light; D+
As a former theater employee, I enjoyed the behind-the-scenes look at the cinema. Everything else is unfortunately pretty boring despite a great cast.
51. The Fabelmans; D+
If any director deserves to make a biopic about his own life, it's probably the guy responsible for the most box office receipts in movie history. That being Steven Spielberg. His life was... not really that interesting, to be honest. Pretty normal. Doesn't make the most interesting movie.
50. Sr.; C-
I gave Robert Downey Jr.'s loving homage to his father a shot and it is heartfelt and sincere. However, in the case of Downey Sr.'s career, I guess I had to be there to appreciate the documentary.
49. Three Thousand Years of Longing; C-
Tilda Swinton is a sad and lonely businesswoman with no family or fun in her life. She somehow encounters a genie (Idris Elba) and has the ability to make wishes to better her world. Instead of three wishes, we get three thousand years of longing.
48. Spiderhead; C-
What's worse than a dumb movie? A dumb movie that think its smart. With pandemic delays, this movie actually came out mere days after Top Gun: Maverick despite having the same director and also starring Miles Teller along with Chris Hemsworth, who goes against type and plays a rich American mogul who - surprise - is kind of a jerk. The film's climax is a chase scene that is only missing the Yakety Sax.
47. Gone in the Night; C-
A couple arrives at a remote cabin and there is already a couple staying there. Sound familiar? Does it sound like a horror movie? Yes. A murder mystery? Potentially. A couples swap comedy? Maybe! The correct answer is D. None of the Above.
46. All the Old Knives; C-
Promising story, boring execution. Twists and turns that are neither twisty or turnsy. Chris Pine, though.
45. Barbarian; C-
Barbarian is weird. Halfway through the movie, the story completely shifts to a new character. And it's Justin Long! Eventually -and it's a long eventually- the stories intersect for a... weird conclusion. A lot of cinematic antagonists seemingly cannot be killed, but the ways that the big bad in this movie somehow cannot die doesn't make sense.
44. Prey; C
Calling me a fan of the Predator franchise would be an overstatement. All I really remember is the cool looking villain and Arnie screaming "GET TO DA CHOPPA!" I think it's a cool idea, but like many horror films, the story is barebones. I thought the same about Prey. Cool visuals, some epic fights, but not much of a story, not enough actual Predator and a protagonist with more plot armor than Rey.
43. Nope; C
Jordan Peele's first feature film wasn't a home run. Get Out (A+ in 2017) was a grand slam. His encore, Us (B+ in 2019), was good too, but not as tightly written. Nope is a further step down for Peele. He has a knack for tension and there's no question about his ability as a director, but his last two scripts have left something to be desired. The most interesting part of Nope is the subplot with the chimp - and you are eagerly awaiting for the resolution, only for it to never come. But see, it's not about the story, it's about what's beneath the story right?!
Nope.
42. Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness; C
If you read different comic books from different writers in different years, you are going to get a lot of different stories. The life of Wanda Maximoff started in print as a villain before she became a heroic Avenger. She still dabbles in the dark arts, most famously in the extended comic run House of M. In the MCU, Wanda originally teamed up with Ultron but quickly became an Avenger and helped save the world. Obviously she has been through a lot of loss: Her parents, her brother, her Vision, and loss can make even the best of us crazy.
But the difference between the rest of us and heroes is they are better than us. Comic books have the luxury of cornering their own part of the comic book universe. Every different book can be a different take on the same character. Movies - especially movie franchises which deal with established characters that CANNOT be abruptly changed - do not have this luxury.
Multiverse of Madness turns Wanda not just into a villain, but a mindless murdering machine with the brains and composure of an infant. If she had thought her "plan" in this film over for a second, she'd realize that she is smarter than the writer of the movie, which isn't saying much but it would have been enough to save her character.
Her entire character is ruined in this movie. So is Doctor Strange, whose name is in the title but he's merely a bystander in this hot mess. Marvel's Phase Four has been chaos and if there was any movie that could try and rectify all the mistakes of the last several movies, it was the one that dealt with multiverses.
But it doesn't. And the multiverse isn't in the movie, either. There are like three universes. It's a senseless plot with stupid characters that we thought we loved but aren't sure anymore.
41. Death on the Nile; C
A loose sequel to Kenneth Branagh's other Agatha Christie adaptation, Murder on the Orient Express (A- in 2017), Branagh once again stars as well as directs. I enjoyed the first mystery but didn't really care whodunit this time out. What I remember most about this movie is the dreadful CGI backdrops of Egypt. It is some of the worst green screen I have ever seen.
40. Lightyear; C
I think Lightyear handled Chris Evans replacing Tim Allen in the neatest way possible. The movie isn't about the toy - it's about the real Buzz Lightyear that inspired the toy. It's also 2022 and nobody under the age of 30 remembers Tim Allen. Stars don't get much bigger than Chris Evans, either.
Whoever was voicing Buzz, this movie had no excuse to be boring and it was an absolute chore to get through. It's beautiful and animation has gotten so impressive, but my goodness I had zero fun with this Toy Story movie that isn't about toys. (But surely sold some!)
39. The Adam Project; C
Director Shawn Levy and Ryan Reynolds teamed up with flying colors for Free Guy (A in 2021). They doubled down in the crowded sci-fi genre and couldn't capture that same magic in The Adam Project. It's not good, but it's shiny.
38. Black Adam; C
There has been more said about The Rock's passion project Black Adam that has nothing to do with the movie than the actual film itself. Supposedly this was the movie that was going to catapult Henry Cavill back into the role of Superman and eventually lead to Black Adam v Superman down the line. I'm not kidding - that was really a plan.
The movie's box office was decent but the budget was bloated and the profits were slim. Then, shortly after release, Cavill was let go as the Man of Steel by new DC co-presidents James Gunn and (insert other guy's name here) and the future of a Black Adam sequel was basically put on ice.
As it should be because this movie is bad. But in a weird way it seems to know it's bad and that kind of gives it the charm of a 90s movie. Heck, it even has Pierce Brosnan. It's weirdly self-aware of its mediocrity and just kind of exists. Sadly, I don't think that was the intent.
37. Uncharted; C+
Based on the beloved PlayStation video game franchise, the Uncharted games are famous for their extended cinematic sequences, giving them the feel of movies already. So how do you justify the movie-like games being made into an actual movie? Well, you call it "Uncharted" and change pretty much everything. This includes omitting the iconic soundtrack, a decision I can't imagine a sane person making.
As much as I love Tom Holland, he is not Nathan Drake. Mark Wahlberg is not even remotely close to Sully. Where is Elena? I guess it's a good thing she's not in the movie because Sony probably would have chosen Meryl Streep to play her.
The story combines elements from multiple Uncharted games but the parts don't equal a satisfying sum. Holland gives it his best and the action is legit, but we go to the movies for stories (he says skeptically into the cold darkness) and this doesn't deliver.
36. The Woman King; C+
Viola Davis is such an accomplished actress that I have no idea why she continued to participate in so many DC projects. Surely someone of her stature wouldn't sign a multi-picture deal? Right? The Woman King is not a DC movie but it is a sort-of "Elseworlds" (see: alternate reality) story that DC Comics made famous over the years. It has some great battles but the story frankly bored me. I also couldn't take John Boyega seriously as a king.
35. Memory; C+
Why can't I quit you, Liam Neesons?
34. Black Panther: Wakanda Forever; C+
After the unexpected, tragic loss of our Black Panther Chadwick Boseman, it wasn't a given that Marvel would even make a sequel to one of the highest-grossing films of all time. Director Ryan Coogler decided to move forward with things and I had hope due to his brilliant track record (Black Panther, Creed, Fruitvale Station).
Like so many films this year and in the last few years, my faith was not rewarded. Even the once unbeatable MCU can no longer be trusted. Wakanda Forever wants to be a good movie. It is not. It's such a mess of many ideas that never get the breathing room to develop into proper stories.
Both Wakanda and new character Namor's kingdom are portrayed as uber powerful yet brainless empires that are supposed to have the strength and might (and militaries) of world powers.
The franchise has a new Black Panther (it's the one you'd expect) but the investment in this character -and so many others in this previously beloved universe- just isn't there anymore.
33. Operation Mincemeat; B-
An interesting history lesson led by the infallible Colin Firth. It's like reading a book, but reading a book isn't always the most exciting thing to do.
32. See How They Run; B-
A just-competent-enough murder mystery that would be lost without the talents of Sam Rockwell and a sharp script that outwits its own story.
31. The Menu; B-
I was absolutely transfixed by Ralph Fiennes's performance in The Menu. I had fun watching this movie, but the ending did not do it for me. The service was great, the meal was fine, but the dessert was carrot cake. (I'm not crazy about carrot cake.)
30. The Black Phone; B-
Jake and I saw The Black Phone at 7:30. That's what the ticket said at least. By the time all the previews, advertisements, theater promotions and more nonsense ended, it was 8:00. 30 minutes. I've always loved going to the movies but there are more reasons to stay home than go out now. Many more. Anyway.
Scott Derrickson (Doctor Strange, Sinister, Deliver Us From Evil) is one of my favorite directors. His style and knack for horror are done as well as expected in The Black Phone. The reason it didn't crack a positive score is because the story has so many unexplained events and character logic is probably the scariest thing in the film. The performances are great, but the writers were phoning it in.
29. X; B-
I know what you're asking... Did this movie mark the spot? It's a slasher without much slashing until about the 45 minute mark, but I couldn't help but be absorbed in the style of the film and I enjoyed the clever editing that intercut important events in the film.
28. Thor: Love and Thunder; B-
After the great success of Thor: Ragnarok (A+ in 2017), Thor: Love and Thunder saw comedy genius Taika Waititi double down on everything - for little better and much worse - in the disappointing sequel. Waititi has been making great movies for years, but Love and Thunder is not great. It's not as bad as it tried to be because for the most part it is fun. Dumb fun, but fun. The problem is that this isn't some random comedy, this is an MCU movie about a beloved character who has been in eight movies over the last decade-plus as Thor.
I really respect Waititi as a filmmaker, but I have no idea what he was thinking here. Marvel's Phase Four felt like one big joke, and Love and Thunder is an unrelenting joke. The depth of character and heroics of the Avenger we once knew are long gone, with the God of Thunder reduced to a bumbling idiot who only gets in everyone else's way.
As if ruining the character wasn't bad enough, Waititi - who also wrote this film (he did not write Ragnarok) - fumbles the Jane Foster comeback, butchers the villain Gorr (what a waste of Christian Bale!) and gives himself (Korg) waaaaaay too much screen time.
27. Werewolf by Night; B
The Marvel Cinematic Universe took another gigantic step backwards in 2022. But they did do something new: they made a horror film! Sort of. Decorated composer Michael Giacchino actually directed this thing - the first of two short features (or special presentations as they are marketed) from the MCU this year. Hopefully there's more because it was solid fun and shockingly features some mild gore. If Giacchino can turn Elsa Bloodstone and Man-Thing - who are, let's be honest, F-list Marvel characters - into believable characters, give him another project.
26. The Whale; B
Brendan Fraser returns from a long Hollywood hiatus and it's safe to say we were all rooting for the 1990s B movie darling. His performance as a morbidly obese man fills the screen (sorry) but its also the work of co-star Hong Chau that helps deliver the emotional gut punches of the film. Based on a play, it's a little slow, but it does ponder some interesting themes about religion and sexuality on top of its main premise.
25. Everything Everywhere All at Once; B
The darling hit of the year, Everything Ever- you know what, I'm just gonna call it EEAaO- is the best multiverse movie of the year. Did I love it like everyone else? No, I didn't. But I was not expecting this film to be the one to satisfy my multiversal cravings in 2022. It's fun, it's silly, but it's borderline stupid and the movie's focus is everywhere...
All at once.
24. Don't Worry Darling; B
A common theme in 2022 were films that laid the groundwork for something special and then totally dropped the ball. The biggest offender may be Olivia Wilde's Don't Worry Darling, which gave actors on the film tons of reasons to worry. Wilde and Harry Styles and Jason Sudekis and Florence Pugh all had some... let's stay stuff... going on. In spite of all that, the movie is very good for a while and then it literally ends without a proper conclusion. With all the drama, particularly involving Pugh who suspiciously didn't even promote the film, perhaps they literally didn't finish filming?
23. The Forgiven; B
I liked this movie more than I told myself I liked it. Maybe it's because I would literally pay money to watch Ralph Fiennes read off my grocery shopping list. The Forgiven has a lot of stupid characters in its supporting cast, but Fiennes and Jessica Chastain elevate a pretty simple script into a tense thriller.
22. Fresh; B
Rightfully certified fresh on Rotten Tomatoes, Fresh has a lot going for it, namely Sebastian Stan and Daisy Edgar-Jones, who are pretty much the whole film. It has 10 Cloverfield Lane (A- in 2016) vibes and features a pretty neat twist. Just don't think about it too much.
21. Smile; B
A prime example of a movie that just didn't stick the landing. I was ready to anoint Smile as an A- or better movie for the year, earning it a place on the coveted (by me) CGI Fridays Infinity List. It bears similarities to It Follows, (C+ in 2015) but like that film, it never does enough to be really scary or complete its story.
20. The Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special; B
This isn't really a movie, as the title plainly spells out for us. It's a 45-ish minute special that James Gunn has had planned for Disney+ for years. If not for his Disney exile, it - and Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 - would have arrived much sooner. In any event, it's fun to see the Guardians together after what's felt like forever. It's mostly a Drax-Mantis team-up, but I'm here for the Star-Lord-Yondu bonding and the catchy Christmas opening number.
19. Vengeance; B+
One off many 2022 films that piqued your interest the whole way and then the air comes out of the balloon in the finale. Vengeance had played three good quarters but fell apart in the fourth. That doesn't keep it from a good grade, and it is indeed one of the better comedies of the year.
18. Elvis; B+
I was surprised that there hadn't been... *checks notes* ...a Hollywood biopic about Elvis Presley. (At least in a long time.) We finally get one, and Austin Butler shakes up the role with an Oscar-worthy outing as one of the most famous people in entertainment history. Elvis meant so much more than just his music and there's certainly a lot of story to be told, which works against the film that struggled to tell it in movie form. It's long, but I can't help falling out of love with the story's focus on his manager, even if the character is played by the legendary Tim Honks.
17. Marcel the Shell with Shoes On; B+
Based on a YouTube video (so I'm told), this movie had me intrigued from the cute trailer featuring the squeaky, talking, one-eyed little seashell Marcel. Voiced somehow by Jenny Slate (Gifted, A+ in 2017), it's a very clever mockumentary that will make you feel good. That alone is worth something extra in 2022.
16. Bullet Train; B+
It feels like everything in the media now, whether it's the big screen of the cinema or the small screen of television (though you could easily argue those roles have been reversed) has to have some sort of "message." Whether it's an A24 independent film or a Disney blockbuster, studios are constantly pushing some sort of political agenda. Sony's Bullet Train does absolutely none of that - and it's refreshing.
15. The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent; B+
Nicolas Cage playing a meta version of himself named Nic Cage is exactly as nutty as it sounds. Literally - the title of this film is nutty. Who better than Cage to do something so preposterously yet charmingly over-the-top? It's honestly pretty cool and endearing that Cage was willing to throw himself -and his life and career- out there for everyone to laugh at. The movie is really, really dumb fun and Pedro Pascal hams it up just as much as Cage to hilarious results.
14. Mr. Harrigan's Phone; B+
Guess what we will never run out of? Stephen King film adaptations. I had no idea this Netflix movie even existed until someone recommended it. I'm glad they did. The acting and relationship between Jaden Martell and Donald Sutherland has a lot of heart. Watching the elderly Sutherland go from a book loving, technologically averse grumpy old man to a cell phone addicted human like the rest of us is both realistic and humorous. (And worrisome.)
13. Luckiest Girl Alive; B+
A year after her solid work in the under-the-radar Four Good Days (B+, 2021), Mila Kunis does it again. And by that I mean makes a movie that's just good enough. The movie's plot dances around too much, but there is a school shooting scene that is really haunting to watch and a testament to the filmmaker's craftsmanship, even if the writing isn't as lucky.
12. Till; A-
12 movies with a score of A- or better (and thus earning a spot in the coveted Infinity List) is an all-time low. The Emmett Till story - like so many racially motivated stories in American history - is almost impossible to believe. What happened to the young man from Chicago while visiting cousins in Mississippi is nothing short of horror. It's a moving story and Danielle Deadwyler steps up with a tearjerking performance as the boy's mother fighting for justice and his story to be heard.
11. Beast; A-
The success of Beast has everything to do with Idris Elba and some really fantastic looking CGI lions. At times I'm literally wondering if Elba actually went full method and fought actual lions. It looks that good. It's "Man vs. Lion" and the spectacle built on that painfully simple premise is as thrilling as it hoped. Sharlto Copley (District 9 - A+, Chappie - A+ in 2015) is in it too, and that's always a plus.
10. Hustle; A-
I don't watch the NBA anymore, but I still love the game of basketball. And I will always love Adam Sandler. He could make nine more Jack and Jill's and I would still sing his praises. Sandler absolutely loves hoops and you can tell he had an incredible time making Hustle. The predictable events of the film should all have a "dramatization" disclaimer under them, but it's still fun and real-life NBA player Juancho Hernangomez does a great job in the lead.
9. The Valet; A-
My sister and her husband recommended this one to me and at first I thought it was going to be a forgettable made-for-TV comedy. I underestimated Eugenio Derbez (Coda, B+ in 2021), who plays the fish-out-of-water brilliantly. I will give credit where it's due - this movie is funny! It also confronts a lot of Mexican stereotypes and I always appreciate well-executed social commentary.
8. The Survivor; A-
The Survivor is not fun to watch. That's a compliment not only to the film, but the harrowing, tortured performance from Ben Foster. Foster has been in a million films, but this could be his best performance yet as a Holocaust survivor made to fight in gladiator pits at Auschwitz. He completely transforms and you can feel his raw emotion in every scene. If you can manage to get through it, it's a heck of a film.
7. All Quiet on the Western Front; A
Speaking of war, let's jump back to the first and so-called "Great" war. All Quiet on the Western Front is a remake of a classic and this one comes from an all-German crew. I flipped between the English dub and original German audio and found the latter not only more interesting, but it gave me a deeper appreciation of Germany's point of view in World War I. It was supposed to be glorious, as so many picture war, but it's anything but. If you want a real look at the front lines of battle, this is it. From the point of view of a young, upbeat, willing soldier - it's incredibly sad. But it's real and it deserves to be seen.
6. Thirteen Lives; A
Tragedy makes for stories and stories make movies. The story of the 12 boys and their soccer coach trapped in the caves of Thailand is one of the most incredible and unlikely rescues in history. You might not expect this fairly straightforward story to fill a long movie runtime, but the direction of Ron Howard and the Oscar-worthy leads of Colin Farrell, Viggo Mortensen, Joel Edgerton and so many other fantastic performances make this movie a must-see.
5. Emily the Criminal; A
People always ask, "Does the punishment fit the crime?" In the case of Emily, she is a small-time offender (the movie leaves this intentionally vague but its assumed she was defending herself in a domestic abuse scenario) who can't get a job due to the mark on her record. Nobody will hire her and she falls into a credit card fraud ring. From there, things predictably go off the rails. Aubrey Plaza turns in a performance not necessarily worthy of awards, but certainly deserving of praise. Or at least a round of A-Plaz. (Don't worry you're almost at the end.)
4. Orphan: First Kill; A
The first Orphan - way back in 2009 - is in my top 200 all-time movies. You could say I liked it. You'd be right. The sequel, all these years later, is a rare 2020s sequel of a long-ago property that is actually good! It has one of the better twists of the year and is just as freaky and weird as the first. It takes a little suspension of disbelief with the main actress, who has naturally aged in-between films, but a little window dressing is not a whole lot to ask for in this genre.
3. Top Gun: Maverick; A+
A+ total in 2019: 10.
A+ total in 2020-2022: 9.
The most successful film at the American box office in 2022 and it wasn't even close. Tom Cruise's Top Gun: Maverick does what the rest of Hollywood is doing and makes a sequel to a movie that came out four decades ago. What this film does that the rest of Hollywood isn't doing is it makes no political statements, has no divisive agenda and has nothing to say about the state of the world or the people in it.
It's a movie. And it knows it. Top Gun: Maverick is simply a ton of fun. The aerial action is insane and often practical. Cruise steps back into the role of Maverick like it's been four years, not almost 40. It's a cookie-cutter plot that honestly would probably prompt World War III, but who cares about logic when it comes to Top Gun? Heck, I didn't even care for the original's campiness and here I am loving the sequel basically a half century later.
But now, in 2022, when movies feel the need to send a message and intermingle in the dreadful world of politics, all Top Gun: Maverick felt was the need - the need for speed.
2. The Batman; A+
I went back and forth between an A and A+ for The Batman, which was clearly one of my favorite films of the year. On principle, I detest three hour movies. However, Matt Reeves (of the modern Planet of the Apes trilogy that all received A+'s from me) has such a flare for directing that you really don't feel the runtime. At least not when the movie is focused on its two main protagonists - Batman and Detective James Gordon, played admirably by Robert Pattinson and Jeffrey Wright respectively. Pattinson puts up an argument for my book for being the best Batman alongside Christian Bale. Yeah, I said it.
As Bruce Wayne, he doesn't do much. This is a true Batman detective story and it was really compelling to see Batman so publicly involved and out in the open as the Caped Crusader. The long runtime leads to some fluff in the plot, particularly involving Selina Kyle AKA Catwoman, John Turturro's Carmine Falcone, and the movie's grand finale felt like it pulled some literal and figurative punches.
When it focuses on Batman, or the Riddler and the Penguin, then Reeves's version of the Dark Knight soars and it's only made more epic by the booming score from Michael Giacchino. DC continues to show no direction with their universe and it's honestly better if THE Batman stays away from THE rest of their movies.
1. Facing Nolan; A+
Is it a good thing or a not good (also known as bad) thing if a documentary takes the top spot in my annual CGI Fridays rankings? I'll let the eight readers of all this hard work decide.
Facing Nolan documents the storied life and career of Hall of Fame baseball pitcher Nolan Ryan. As a Texan myself, I come from the Dallas-Ft. Worth region. Nolan Ryan was born in what everyone outside of Texas thinks Texas is: in the microscopic southern town of Refugio. Learning about the storied success of Ryan was a treat in itself - his name is all over the Major League Baseball record books.
He is the all-time baseball leader in strike outs, he threw 100 miles per hour before every other pitcher was doing it, he also has the all-time walks record by a lot, he was the first pro baseball player to earn a $1 million dollar salary, he has a record seven no-hitters, 12 one-hitters, 18-two hitters, he infamously put Robin Ventura - 20 years his junior - into a headlock, and the coup de grace... he played 27 YEARS IN THE MAJOR LEAGUES!
27!
He won a ton (tied for 14th ever), he lost a ton (3rd-most ever)... he just played a ton (2nd-most starts behind only Cy Young whose name is literally synonymous with the pitching position). His accomplishments are hard to comprehend, so watch Facing Nolan and be glad you're on the coach and not in the batter's box.
Fin.
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