*Tap Tap Tap*
Is this thing on?
I guess I'm doing rankings for 2025. Are movies still a thing? What came out again? How long are previews? Thirty minutes! There's commercials now? Commercials in the previews? Nicole Kidman AGAIN?! When is this on streaming? Next week? Cool, then I won't spend $50 on two tickets, taxes, fees, and a flat soda. The $13 popcorn is cold. The person in front of me is texting. The people behind me are having a full conversation. Kids in the front are on their phones. The parents don't care. They dropped their tweens off at an R-rated movie so they could have three hours of peace and quiet.
Nicole Kidman says heartbreak feels good in a place like this. Nothing feels good here. I'd ask the staff for help but nobody works here anymore except a 16-year old wearing AirPods and a guy on probation for stealing an air fryer. Plus, if I did ask for help, I'd miss the movie. Then I'm the fool! Why am I here again? Is there an end credits scene? Oh wait, I don't care anymore. Thank god the previews are finally over. Aaaaaaand I have to go to the bathroom.
Anyway. Here's the 2025 list. I hope you find that heartbreak feels good in a blog post like this. If not, try a fart break.
34. Primitive War; D-
Dinosaur aficionados like myself -- I used to line up toy dinosaurs in my room as a kid and Land Before Time was my jam -- are clamoring for good movies about dinosaurs. The Jurassic franchise has gone the way of actual dinosaurs and 65 (D+ in 2023) was no good. Primitive War is worse.
33. The Lost Bus; D-
The first scenes of this movie roll through the tropiest of tropes: Single father, down on his luck, can't get hours at work for a job he doesn't like, forced to take care of his sick mom and his son who hates him (he literally yells this at him) who also gets sick... By the time I tried to figure out if some of the horrible acting was actually AI, the movie lost me before the bus.
32. Black Phone 2; D
Scott Derrickson (Doctor Strange, Sinister, Deliver Us From Evil) is on this list back-to-back and not for good reasons. Black Phone is a sequel to his 2022 box office (B-) hit that left me calling for more. This one goes completely out of service and skates on thin black ice. It did not answer the call.
31. The Gorge; D+
"Straight-to-streaming" has gone from exception to norm, but the quality of movies that skip over theaters is still lacking. Then again, the quality of movies that go to theaters isn't good either. Neither is The Gorge.
30. The Life of Chuck; C-
The idea of Life of Chuck is neat. The end of the world approaches but the mundane continues from day to day. If that mundane was a little less mundane, the movie wouldn't have gotten such a mundane score.
29. Marty Supreme; C-
The first 45 minutes of Marty Supreme is really good. The next hour and a half has nothing to do with ping pong, instead shifting frantically from one thing to another. One minute it's about romance, then crime, then the mob, then a dog, then ping pong for a minute, then the dog is back. This movie is out of control, just like the director's previous outing, Uncut Gems (D in 2019), which I did not like. Also the ping pong ball CGI was distracting.
28. Superman (2025); C-
James Gunn's Superman didn't look promising. Superman is notoriously difficult to write given his kitchen's sink set of super powers. Richard Donner got the balance right. Zack Snyder went too dark, and Gunn goes too light.
This version of Superman -- and the world around him -- is so goofy, so inconsequential, so... boring. Gunn throws a million new characters at the screen in an ensemble effort meant to recreate his Guardians of the Galaxy films. The tone doesn't fit and capable leading actor David Corenswet feels like a prisoner in his own movie. Especially in the scene where he's literally a prisoner in his own movie. Only to be rescued by a Lois Lane who doesn't like him very much and Mr. Terrific, who is one of the few likable characters in this mess.
The disconnect between Corenswet and Gunn is real, as shown in this behind-the-scenes "argument." It's a soulless film that lacks heart, lacks heroism, and is not worth remembering.
For more, read my Superman (2025) review on the DC page HERE at #56.
27. 28 Years Later; C
The original 28 Days Later is one of the greatest zombie flicks ever, coming in at #393 on my CGI Fridays Infinity List. I also enjoyed the sequel, 28 Weeks Later. 28 Years Later arrives 23 years after the original, and it's yet another modern zombie movie that doesn't have enough zombies. Human drama works if it's interesting. It doesn't when it isn't. And that ending...
26. The Conjuring: Last Rites; C
What's one of the scariest things for a movie franchise? Diminishing returns. Welcome to the club, Conjuring. Looking at just the flagship titles, we've gone from A+ (2013, Infinity #125) to A+ (2016, Infinity #265) to B+ in 2021. At least this one has some funny scenes, but that was certainly not the intention.
25. The Phoenician Scheme; C+
If Wes Anderson made a movie about Benicio Del Toro just doing his taxes, I would watch it. And I'd give it a C+. Thank you Phoenicio.
24. Echo Valley; C+
If murder mysteries are all the rage, then Sydney Sweeney is the rage. My friend Brian saw Julianne Moore on a plane once, so I really like her too. I was intrigued with this one, and I used to live in a valley, but logic is lost by the end of this.
23. Captain America: Brave New World; B-
Relatively speaking, 2025 was a "comeback" year for the Marvel Cinematic Universe. I wrote at length about Brave New World over on my MCU page (see: #36), and not much more needs to be said. I really don't have much more to say. In fact, the less I say about the MCU at this point, the better. It hurts my heart to talk about current Marvel. It's like watching a precious child grow up with the world at their fingertips... and then lose it all, go broke, live in a bad neighborhood, and break your heart into a million pieces.
22. The Long Walk; B-
Stephen King loves his nihilism, and honestly, I'm here for it. The story is fine, the message is fine, the production is very fine, but man, when did it become the norm to make unlikeable characters immature hot heads with a potty mouth that puts some of my middle school students to shame? It's annoying. Stop it.
21. Warfare; B-
Ranking Warfare was tough because it is an incredibly thrilling war movie. But it's day-in-the-life scope limits its narrative reach and I'd rather watch a movie with more of a story.
20. Frankenstein (2025); B
I was feeling quite alive with the newest (re)incarnation of this immortal franchise. Then... I wasn't. The momentum, pacing, story, and my interest were killed just as the monster himself was coming to life. There's too much nothing. Not all movies need to be two and a half hours long. By the end, I was the zombie.
19. Thunderbolts and/or New Avengers; B
I wrote the following in my ThunderVengers review, found here at #31.
Simply put, it's an underwhelming cast of characters. B-listers at best except maybe Bucky, who has been written into that tier by writers that don't know what to do with him. It's a B plot with B-listers that gets a B. Can you B-lieve it?
18. Weapons; B
Weapons entered the year as one of my most anticipated movies. I found director Zach Cregger's previous film, Barbarian (C in 2022), a fascinating but frustrating work of art. Cregger once again manipulates time to tell his story, using multiple perspectives in the vein of Pulp Fiction. It's such a promising premise that Jordan Peele fired a bunch of people for not getting him the script. The end result is disappointing, a sum that falls so far short of its parts.
17. The Fantastic Four: First Steps; B
Was the third time the charm for the Fantastic Four? Naturally, the fourth time should be the charm. And while this rendition is obviously better than the 2015 version -- which I created the grade F- for -- I still prefer the 2005 original if I had to choose from the lot.
This one has good intentions and yet another spiffy soundtrack from composer Michael Giacchino, but it has a high dosage of stupid in its plot and Pedro Pascal is not a reliable leading man as Reed Richards. Most of the rest works and we'll see the Fantastic Four again in 2026 for Avengers: Doomsday. Yay...
16. The Running Man (2025); B
I found 2025's The Running Man to be exactly what I had expected: stupid fun. Sure, I would have liked more, but I was happy to not get less. The plot is paper thin, the acting is passable, the twists are ridiculous, the action is fun, and there's a whole lot of running.
15. Song Sung Blue; B
Hugh Jackman's latest musical isn't a musical. It's a movie about music. Sort of. It's more of a family drama that, while compelling, is not the greatest show I thought I was tuning in for.
14. Better Man; B+
Speaking of great shows, Michael Gracey helmed my all-time favorite musical, The Greatest Showman (A+, #31 Infinity) back in 2017. Better Man is a biopic about Robbie Williams, an unknown to Americans like myself. The music isn't as familiar to me but the story and choreography are impressive. As is the CGI, because Gracey and Williams decided to portray the lead as a monkey, a reflection of his poor self-perception and the nature of a "dancing monkey" in show business.
13. F1: The Movie; B+
F1 is unabashedly an advertisement for Formula 1 Racing. They even use real footage and clips from F1 races. And you know what? I'm okay with that. I'm not any more interested in the sport since watching the movie, but I do have a newfound appreciation for it. I also appreciate one of last standing movie stars, Brad Pitt, elevating a by-the-numbers script into a very watchable character drama. Why is it two and a half hours long, though?
12. Black Bag; B+
A straightforward whodunit thriller elevated by the underrated Michael Fassbender and Cate Blanchett combo. Steven Soderbergh's deft directing and fast-paced script -- and hey look Pierce Brosnan! -- add up for a smooth, silky spy adventure.
11. Happy Gilmore 2; A-
The OG Happy Gilmore sits at #209 on the Infinity List, one of many Adam Sandler collectibles in my all-time rankings. Still - nobody asked for this. The movie's plot gave as much effort as you'd expect from a Sandler Netflix exclusive, but I have to say... it works. Maybe it's my Sandman-tinted glasses, but there are a whole lot of laughs, and you know what, it's nice to laugh.
10. Nuremberg; A-
The Nuremberg Trials are a fascinating and important moment in war history. A radical legal attempt to atone for the post-war sins of the Treaty of Versailles. The idea of whether these Nazi war criminals deserve to stand trial is explored well. However, the trial itself is a huge letdown.
The cast is an enigma, with standout performances from Michael Shannon, John Slattery, Richard E. Grant, and Leo Woodall. Then there's an over-the-top, take-it-or-leave-it Russell Crowe and a completely out of place Rami Malek.
9. Companion; A-
Companion follows in the creepy footsteps of movies like Morgan (A- in 2016) and M3gan (A- in 2023). The pretty girl robot genre is in high demand, and it never seems to end well. The twist is blatantly spoiled in the trailer, which was an interesting move, but nothing stays a secret these days anyway. Companion gets real dumb by the end but stays real fun.
8. Drop; A-
Drop was one of the first movies to get me back to a theater in 2025. (At least I think I saw it in a theater?) A 90 minute movie without any intent but to entertain audiences felt like a nice throwback to the 1990s and 2000s.
7. Clown in a Cornfield; A-
Can you guess what this one is about? So there's a clown. And he stalks people in a cornfield. I know, right! There's certainly a little more to it, but you're not seeing this for the plot. It has some great scares and kills and if you're into that, I recommend it.
6. Sinners; A-
The tremendous trio of director Ryan Coogler, star Michael B. Jordan, and composer Ludwig Göransson has fought the fight (Fruitvale Station), won the battle (Creed) and saved the world (Black Panther). Now, they go back in time to basically make From Dusk Till Dawn in the Jim Crow era. It's a fun vampire movie, a well-crafted period piece, a half-hearted political commentary, and an absolute showcase for Jordan's talent.
MBJ delivers a dynamite dual role as two twin brother leads, and the movie rests dependently on his shoulders. He is one of the best actors of this generation and I expect him to win the Best Actor award at the Oscars. If anyone is still watching, let me know when he wins. He's come a long way since Fan4stic (only ever F- in 2015).
5. Bring Her Back; A
The Australian Phillippou brothers are quickly becoming the go-to names in a waning scary movie industry. Their previous entry, 2023's Talk to Me (A), was fantastic and only falls short of an A+ due to not quite sticking the ending. The same thing happens here, but the journey to the end is not just scary, it's extremely compelling, well written, has great characters, and some incredible scenes that are impossible to look away from.
4. Final Destination: Bloodlines; A
Speaking of scenes you can't take your eyes off of, there are many a moment in the, let's see now, sixth installment of the Final Destination franchise that you know a gruesome, ridiculous death is coming. You know you want to close your eyes and maybe sneak a peak. Instead, you're eyes wide open watching with glee as someone meets some outrageous, cartoonish fate.
No Final Destination movie had ever cracked its way into my "Infinity List," as I'm not the biggest fan of the slasher genre, but there is just so much fun and whimsy in Bloodlines - something severely lacking in modern cinema - that I couldn't help but enjoy the heck out of it.
3. Together; A
My only regret about Together is I saw it by myself. How nice would it be to watch two people being grotesquely forced together against their will with someone you care for beside you? Disturbing... or romantic? Real-life married couple Dave Franco and Alison Brie have great chemistry and in my opinion should stay married. Heck - make another awesome movie while you're at it!
The biggest question I got from friends who wanted to see this but were hesitant was how gory the body horror stuff was. Truthfully, most of it is hid from the audience and the CGI - while impressive - does most of the heavy lifting, as opposed to be a very disturbing practical effect shot like the one in Bring Her Back. The squeamish can take it. Together.
2. The Naked Gun; A
Are comedies back? There's a clear void in the market for good, raunchy, funny movies. Everyone everywhere is so sensitive about everything now and the cancel culture hive mind of social media has made it next to impossible to produce a funny movie with funny people doing funny things.
Perhaps we live in a post-joke world.
The dramatic swing to one side in the past decade seems to be leveling out a little. People are starting to believe in comedy again. Also, you can't cancel Liam Neeson. They tried. He doesn't care. Liam Neeson lives in a cave with wolves and reads under candlelight while snuggling with a makeup-free Pam Anderson. He doesn't care.
Rebooting The Naked Gun was a risky maneuver. The Leslie Nielsen trilogy is revered in movie history. Those films arrive on my "Infinity List" at #380, #476, and #541. The new one comes in at #413, showing that it has earned its place amongst its comedy titan ancestors, with many thanks to Neeson's dry wit and tender tenacitym as well as the direction of reliable funnyman and Lonely Island alum Akiva Schaffer, who has my full comedic trust with a resume including Hot Rod (A+, 98th all time) and Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping (A in 2016).
1. Fackham Hall; A+
Out of left field (England), I only discovered Fackham Hall through some deep cut YouTube movie reviewers. Their referral to this movie is worth a lifetime subscription. I took one look at the poster and my Austin Powers "Spidey Senses" started tingling. I rolled with that fuzzy feeling, and was rewarded handsomely. Ah thank you.
Basically every single moment of this non-stop comedy is filled with a joke or a gag. It feels wonderfully reminiscent of a Zucker, Abrahams and Zucker (ZAZ), or Mel Brooks comedy of the 20th century. Sure, there's a love story, which is itself a big gag about corrupt, incestuous, old British royal families. Every beat has a purpose and no moment is wasted. It's constantly hilarious and I haven't laughed at a comedy like this in a long time.
I can see a lot of jokes going over the "normie's" (American's) heads. My favorite joke of the movie has to do with the Bechdel Test, and if you get that one, you're going to have a facking good time.
0. Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith ***20TH ANNIVERSARY RE-RELEASE***; ∞
What is there to say about literally my favorite movie of all time? 20 years ago, I saw Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith for the first time. With my best friend Jake. And I had my first frappuccino. 20 years later, we recreated the scene and enjoyed the movie back on the big screen.
There's nothing more to be said, but here's my review from my separate Star Wars page.
