Spoiler alert: it wasn't.
Worse than the continued drop in quality across the cinematic board was the plain fact that I barely went to the actual cinema. My love of movies is on life support for several sad reasons, detailed in separate blog posts both HERE ("Why Do Movies Suck Now?) and HERE ("The Cinema Is Dead").
My movie total dropped to an all-time low, falling below the pandemic affected 50 in 2022. There was an actors strike, a writers strike, but the Texas Rangers finally got the last strike.
Here's the annual list. I hope you like some of these more than I did.
49. No One Will Save You; F
Cool alien, bro. But where's the rest of a movie?
48. The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes; F
Frantic plot, chaotic editing, cringey singing and another previously successful franchise thrown on the scrap heap.
47. The Marvels; F
No matter how bad things have gotten, I've never given an F to a big screen MCU production. On the small screen, She-Hulk earned one, and now we have Marvel failure stretching to the silver screen.
46. Justice League: Warworld; D-
DC Animation has absolutely cratered after a really solid run from the 90s through the 2010s.
45. Infinity Pool; D-
Deserves an F for the ending, but avoids one for at least getting me to the finish line.
44. Shazam! Fury of the Gods; D-
For the first time in my adult life, I skipped superhero films this year. I should have skipped this one too.
43. When You Finish Saving the World; D
It attempts to be endearing and uplifting by the end, but is instead dreary and pointless.
42. American Fiction; D
Just too boring to make up for Jeffrey Wright and some thoughtful ideas. And even if it makes contextual sense, I can't stand to listen to the N word.
41. 65; D+
An original idea for a film, much less a sci-fi film, doesn't really happen anymore. 65 looks good on paper, but there's not a fully developed story to accompany this concept.
40. Leave the World Behind; D+
Post-apocalyptic movies are my jam and I like to think I'd last at least a day. This movie tries to mix the genre with terrorism, social commentary and general human terrible-ness. Or maybe I'm giving them too much credit because it's really about nothing.
39. A Man Called Otto; D+
A movie trying way too hard to make you feel good that you feel bad.
38. 97 Minutes; C-
A sort of fun throwback to a 90s action film with stock baddies that makes absolutely no sense.
37. The Killer; C-
David Fincher and Michael Fassbender had my full attention, but the only thing The Killer kills is time. (And sells some The Smiths records.)
36. The Pope's Exorcist; C-
Russell Crowe's storied has career is stumbling to the finish line. Apparently playing Zeus in Thor: Love and Thunder (B- in 2022) inspired him to take on the role of an Italian priest. To that I say, "perche?"
35. Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania; C
Ant-Man 3 had a lot stacked against it. A lot. Chief among them was finally introducing Thanos 2.0 - Kang The Conqueror. Yes, Marvel's newest overarching villain was going to be put on full display in an Ant-Man film. Quantumania is an insulting story that, in modern Disney fashion, constantly tears down its main protagonist despite him literally saving the universe. Marvel continues to trample on its hard-earned legacy and I don't know that there's a multiverse out there that can save it.
34. The Boys in the Boat; C
I didn't expect a movie about rowing to rock my boat, but promising source material and the historical backdrop of the Great Depression forced me test the waters. Unfortunately, it was shallow.
33. The Son; C
A slow people-focused feature that benefits from the indomitable Hugh Jackman and not much else.
32. The Flash; C
Like most people, I saw The Flash for Michael Keaton's Batman. I was both pleased that he had a sizable role but also sad that his return was for this. Even without the Ezra Miller controversy, this oft-delayed superhero headache is a exactly what this genre has worked hard not to be. It's ugly, bloated eye candy and so reliant on cameos to leave any sort of impact that it's no wonder the DCEU has died.
31. Rustin; C
Rustin has an interesting story about a lesser-known civil rights activist to work with. It doesn't do enough and isn't as engaging as it should be despite Colman Domingo delivering one of the best acting performances of the year.
30. Saltburn; C
I didn't really enjoy watching Saltburn but I enjoyed reflecting on it afterwards. It's a solid revenge tale but all the attention it garnered was for its shock value scenes, which are all shock but have no value to the story or the movie.
29. The Boogeyman; C+
The horror genre is on life support (what genre isn't?) so I guess I'll happily settle for some good scares.
28. To Catch a Killer; C+
Another genre that is very hit and very miss is the crime thriller. Unraveling the mystery here was relatively interesting, but the conclusion was unsatisfying.
27. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3; C+
GOTG Vol. 3 is a relic from the MCU's past. At least in name. In terms of quality, it fits right into the current state of Marvel. A lot of people really liked this movie. I thought it was average. Rocket's backstory is used so desperately for emotional beats that the audience is practically being instructed to feel. Adam Warlock is a complete and unforgivable joke, and there's a whole side quest that serves absolutely no purpose except to be silly and colorful and weird and shoehorn Nathan Fillion into James Gunn's final Marvel project.
The Guardians trilogy is a pretty perfect way to sum up the MCU over the years. The first film (A+ in 2014) is a classic, the second (A+ in 2017) is lesser but still great, and the third ends with a whimper, highlighted by bad joke overload and a sloppy conclusion to Peter and Gamora's arc.
26. Murder Mystery 2; C+
The first Mystery (A+ in 2019) was worth solving and a laugh riot all the way through. The second starts with the same energy but by the end, you have a clear answer to whether this needed a sequel.
25. Super Mario Bros.; B-
Four years ago, 2019 had nine billion dollar movies. Only two hit the mark in 2023: Mario and Barbie. This is the one I saw and I thought it was... fine. It's a great kids movie with a simple plot, tons of nostalgia and the famous Super Mario Bros. music.
24. The Creator; B-
Director Gareth Edwards (sort of) helmed the crown jewel of the Disney Star Wars collection: Rogue One (A+ in 2016). He hadn't created anything since until The Creator. His penchant for visual effects is on full display, but the story here is weak with a weaker climax.
23. May December; B-
Natalie Portman and Julianne Moore give a master class in acting, but a movie that tries to positively portray a child abuser is a tough sell no matter the performances.
22. The Holdovers; B-
Paul Giamatti is one of my favorite actors and he certainly doesn't disappoint. All the pieces are there for this to be right up my alley: great acting, strong writing, heartwarming narrative. It's just too long and lacking focus to be garner a positive score.
21. John Wick: Chapter 4; B-
Speaking of too long, I've really had it with movies getting longer and longer. A John Wick film should be two hours MAX, which is exactly where I watched JW4 because I wasn't sitting through a three hour action exclusive ride at the theater. The first two Wick's (A+ in 2014, 2017) are in my CGI Fridays pantheon, but the last two have not come close.
20. Creed III; B
Another franchise that, sadly, I'm over. The Rocky franchise stalled after two for me and Creed has done the same. I can only watch so many boxing movies.
19. The Covenant; B
Even though I liked The Covenant, I'm not calling it Guy Ritchie's The Covenant. Has Guy Ritchie earned that? No! Did you go see Christopher Nolan's Oppenheimer? No, you just saw Oppenheimer.
18. They Cloned Tyrone; B
A rare original science-fiction entry in a cinematic landscape of remakes and sequels. Would have been higher rated if not for the incessant use of the N word. Unnecessary and vulgar.
17. Godzilla Minus One; B
In 2014, I enjoyed Gareth Edwards' Godzilla (B+) reboot. Since then, America's Godzilla has embraced the chaotic looney tunes nature of the beast and lost its heart. With Japan's Minus One, the heart is back and this is the coolest version of Godzilla I've ever seen. The problem is he seldom shows up and the character drama, while well done, drags on and on and on.
16. Cocaine Bear; B
You know how you prepare for a movie like this? With Coke. A Coke Zero that is.
15. Dumb Money; B
Cool story and I'm glad I watched it at home so I could constantly pause and google financial jargon. But my god, what an insufferable soundtrack.
14. Pain Hustlers; B+
If you can't trust the pharmaceutical reps, who can you trust? Chris Evans, that's who.
13. Missing; B+
Told completely through computer, phone and other various cameras, it's a style that is super cool for a long time. Then it starts to get exhausting. Like a camera battery, the story runs out of juice at the end.
12. Reptile; B+
I like to fancy myself a scholar, but when I watch whodunit movies I'm usually the last to figure out the "who." That wasn't the case here. But despite its predictability, I enjoyed my viewing of Reptile.
11. Cobweb; B+
A couple of scary movies surprised their way into the upper tier of my 2023 ranks. Cobweb is successful in being weird and creating an uncomfortable, chilly atmosphere. Unfortunately, it gets a little too looney for its own good in the end.
10. The Iron Claw; A-
While I found the setup a tad slow, once Iron Claw has its characters introduced, it starts hitting... hard. There's nothing fake about the emotions this well directed film induces. The punches land in the ring but especially out of it, and Zac Efron continues to show his underrated talents (and muscles).
9. A Million Miles Away; A-
A lot of films try to tug on your heart strings to no avail, but this one made it work. Michael Pena and cast deliver a heartwarming story about space exploration but also shine a spotlight on the American Dream from an immigrant family's valuable perspective.
8. M3gan; A-
A film that looked like it could go either way ended up being a surprising hit. Artificial intelligence stories have never been more in vogue and even though M3gan threatens to go off the rails, it stays on a realistic enough path to be pretty scary, which is its biggest strength.
7. Oppenheimer; A-
Perhaps the hardest film for me to rank as I found the court room drama of Oppenheimer very engaging thanks to Christopher Nolan's direction and all-star cast. As usual, Nolan assembles a cast of incredible depth and starpower and they make a very talky film appealing. I was hoping for more actual atom bomb and three hours felt gratuitous, but it's a bounce back effort for Nolan after Tenet (D+ in 2020) and Dunkirk (C in 2017).
6. Stan Lee; A
A fun documentary about Stan The Man. There's tidbits of new information here, but it's all pretty much been told before in various forms of media, specifically 2010's With Great Power: The Stan Lee Story (A+).
5. Tetris; A
Of Kingsman fame, Taron Egerton is one of my favorites. Period. This may be personal bias, but I believe he is so very underrated despite his many many achievements in both film and television. He's on his A game once more in Tetris, a very fun ride about the history of the computer game with roots in corporate warfare as well as the actual Cold War.
4. Blackberry; A
Speaking of old tech, I never realized the story behind the Blackberry phone (which was my second cell phone after the Motorola Razr) was so... wow... incredible. Of course the iPhone gets the fame - and the movies, like Steve Jobs (A in 2015) - but Blackberry has its own remarkable history. Mix that with a stylish aesthetic and fantastic performances and you have one of my favorite films of the year.
3. Talk to Me; A
I guess there can still be good scary movies. Outside of a not sticking the ending, Talk to Me has a cool plot, likable characters, and some genuinely terrifying moments. It walks the same ouija board-like path as so many scary movies before it but does it well and gives "talk to the hand cause the face ain't listening" a whole new meaning.
2. Air; A+
A+ scores are far rarer here at CGI Fridays than they used to be. I thought three in 2022 was rough, but 2023 provided just two A+ films. Air is another chapter in the lucrative Ben Affleck-Matt Damon duo, this time a raunchy, fun biopic about Nike and Phil Knight. Specifically, their quest to find a poster athlete before landing on "Air Jordan" himself. It's nice to know movies can still be made this well and be this entertaining.
1. Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse; A+
I learned after watching Across the Spider-Verse that plans for a Gwen Stacy solo movie were morphed with the Miles Morales sequel. That makes sense as a lot of this film, including the entire open, is about Gwen. She's an interesting character in her own right and, no pun intended, crosses over naturally with Miles' coming-of-age adventure.
Their adventures together as well as another hit score from Daniel Pemberton and the brilliant comic book-y animations form a sum that, while not be as good as Into the Spider-Verse (A+ in 2018), is still a great time at the movies, something I can't say too often anymore and therefore do not take for granted. I hope Miguel O'Hara (voiced by the awesome Oscar Isaac) is better utilized in the sequel.
I also hope 2024 is better. We'll see, friends.
