One of my prized possessions, of which (like a Jedi Knight) I only have a few: My movie collection back in Texas
"It's not me, it's you."
Dear movies, why do you suck now? You used to be good. Even great! Sure, there were bad times -- even fast times -- but my faith in you was always rewarded. Now, it just seems like we are never getting along.
Am I becoming an older, cranky, emotionally vacant young adult? Am I already -- at the age of nearly 30 -- telling kids to get off my lawn? Am I starting my classroom lectures with "back in my day" more than I'm willing to admit?
The answers? Kind of, I don't have a lawn, and only as a joke.
Humanity is destined to be flawed, to say the least. But there always seemed to be fun things to steer your mind away from the daily grind. The last decade has felt different. Or, as the kids say, the last decade is "built different."
What on the one and only earth has happened to people? And thus the products these people are creating? It seems everywhere I look for fun, whether it's movies, music, sports, or anything I use to try and fill the empty void in my soul with, it all just continues to disappoint me time after time after time stone after Hot Tub time Machine, currently ranked 549th on my Infinity List.
Are we as a society getting complacent? Have our standards dipped well below average? Has the overflow of content made us numb to what quality content actually is? Are we satisfied with simply not getting our buttons pushed and settling for the lowest bar in entertainment history? Does anyone care? Is there anyone even out there?
Or am I on crazy pills?
For me, it's a trend that can sadly trace back to Star Wars: The Last Jedi. There are a few exceptions, but things have been going downhill since December 2017 faster than Jack and/or Jill and/or Humpty Dumpty and/or Madden's franchise mode.
I'll try to explain it -- probably half-heartedly since that's the same effort these billion dollar companies are giving -- but this is CGI Fridays so I'm going to break it down by genre. I'll be brief-ish, I promise. The analytics, focus groups and test subjects all show I talk too much. It's 2023; less is more. People don't want informative think pieces, they want BuzzFeed listicles. Crap, I'm rambling again. Lettuce begin.
*WARNING: THE FOLLOWING OPINIONS ARE SUBJECTIVE, NO MATTER HOW TRUE THEY MAY SEEM*
STAR WARS
My greatest passion ever since Jake's fifth grade birthday party has been Star Wars. Say what you want about George "The Maker" Lucas selling Lucasfilm to Disney in 2012, but things started out on the high ground with The Force Awakens (A+ in 2015) and Rogue One (A+ in 2016). Rian Johnson took what J.J. Abrams did in 2015 and wiped his butt with it when he made The Last Jedi (D- in 2017). I actually liked Solo (A in 2018) but it was a historical box office bomb due to being caught in the backwind of The Last Jedi. The Rise of Skywalker (C in 2019) did its best to salvage the wreckage but it was a lost cause.
At least there's Star Wars streaming, right? The Mandalorian has gone from underdog to flagship to filler to ridiculous in just three seasons. Obi-Wan Kenobi had the biggest potential and also became the biggest insult. The Clone Wars was cancelled, revived and then killed again, Rebels ran its course, Andor impressed despite progressing at a Hutt's pace, The Book of Boba Fett was a disgrace to a character I never really cared about, and Ahsoka looks like it might achieve the mild high of The Mandalorian's prime.
It's been an incredibly fast fall from grace for an intellectual property that even the most cynical movie fan thought could never stoop so low. The Force is not with us.
Current STAR WARS score: D- (in fact, call Disney Plus "Disney Minus" from now on)
Marvel Cinematic Universe
As Star Wars, the only franchise that has recently competed with Marvel, started to lose its way, science-fiction nerds diehard fans like myself became even more dependent on the trusty MCU to continue its historical run that has shaped modern Hollywood. Before 2021, I had NEVER given an MCU movie anything but an A+ grade. NEVA.
Since then, we've reached the peak just once more with the nostalgia bait memory berry that was Spider-Man: No Way Home (A+ in 2021). But we've also bottomed out with insulting cinematic gibberish like Eternals (C- in 2021), Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness (C in 2022), and the streaming escapades of Hawkeye and the worst offender of all, She-Hulk.
Don't you go blaming this quality divide on the pandemic either. Sure, it's an obvious marker in time between when things were better and when sh*t hit the fan, but as bad as the pandemic was, it did not rob any writers of their ability to create stories. It did not change what a good story with good characters is. It didn't make everyone in the film industry suddenly forget how to make good movies.
I really thought Multiverse of Madness, directed by Sam Raimi, would set things right. Then I set my heart on Thor: Love and Thunder. Next I trusted Ryan Coogler's Black Panther: Wakanda Forever. Perhaps Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania could chart the course for a redeeming Phase Five? Okay, fine, but Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 will finally right the (space)ship.
Well, here we are. I mean what the hell is happening? SOMEBODY PLEASE DO SOMETHING!
Current MARVEL CINEMATIC UNIVERSE score: D+
DC
Back in my day (I guess I do say it), we didn't have high-definition television, cell phones were more cumbersome than convenient, social media barely existed (that one's a plus), video games were judged for anything other than graphics, and there was a careful emphasis on quality over quantity. Nowadays, it's quantity quantity quantity. Content content content. Content everywhere.
During the 2000s, superhero movies were true blockbusters. Sam Raimi's Spider-Man trilogy and Christopher Nolan's Dark Knight trilogy mirrored one another from 2002 to 2012. There was no urgency to rush out the next sequel. Raimi and Nolan took their sweet time. They poured everything into these films (even Raimi's beleaguered Spider-Man 3) and they were made with heart, passion and care that seem to no longer exist in the industry. While the studios saw dollar signs, the visionaries saw it as their craft. Say what you want about the Star Wars prequels, but that's the same way George Lucas approached his projects.
That love of filmmaking is missed. The DCEU is in disarray, which is about to die so James Gunn's rebranded DCU can live. (There's no E so it's different, you see.) The "Snyderverse" was an epic fail, a director with limitless theatrical talent but little ability as a storyteller entrusted to build an entire connected universe.
Recent offerings like Black Adam (C in 2022) and Shazam: Fury of the Gods (D+ in 2023) are simply playing out the string on DC's dying universe. Exceptions like Joker and The Batman have had the luxury of riding solo, and that's the way it will stay even under new management, dubbed "Elseworlds" stories that exist in their own canon. If that's what needs to be done to give us something to look forward to at the theater, so be it. Shared universes are hard to maintain and I don't trust any studio or company right now to do it.
If anything, Marvel's recent hiccups have opened the door wide open for DC to step up and save the day... because that's what heroes do last I checked.
Before proceeding, it's worth noting that DC does have the advantage in one arena: animation. DC has easily bested Marvel in the animated superhero category during the 21st century. Marvel largely gave up on animated films once the MCU took off, but DC has continued to service their animation pipeline with home runs like Under the Red Hood (A+ in 2010) and the two-partThe Dark Knight Returns (A+'s in 2012 and 2013), which followed successes like Mask of the Phantasm (A+ in 1993) and Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker (A+ in 2000).
The overall grade gets a bonus from these animated pictures, but even those are regressing, just like everything else. The misery is inescapable. Frown emoji.
Current DC score: C-
Marvel (not the MCU)
This one kind of depends on whether you consider the Tom Holland Spider-Man movies as MCU or not. I will say they are as they exist in that universe even though the films themselves are essentially a double-team effort from Disney Marvel and Sony. With that said, Sony has tried their darndest to kick off their own "Spideyverse" with solo movies for characters like Venom, Morbius, and up next is Kraven the Hunter.
If that sounds like a joke, I wish it was dear reader. The story so far: Venom (C- in 2018) and its sequel (D+ in 2021), followed by the meme darling Morbius (D in 2022). Those scores speak for themselves. Low effort, factory line films that look like they could have been churned out overnight.
What saves Sony is the animated Spider-Verse film, which is due for not one but two sequels in 2023 (first an A+) and 2024. The OG in 2018 (A+) is one of the most creative and fun movies in recent memory and is the only positive thing non-Disney Marvel has going for it right now.
Current MARVEL (NOT THE MCU) score: C
Other Science-Fiction Movies
Not even Harry Potter is immune to the reboot, set for a streaming series on HBO Max. After the complete failure of the Fantastic Beasts films, enthusiasm in the Wizarding World is at an all-time low. (Despite the... fantastic... Hogwarts Legacy game.) The first of the Potter prequels earned a solid B in 2016 before tanking with an F in 2018 and a D in 2022.
Since we are well out of ideas and everything just starts over again in contemporary Hollywood, Jurassic Park hit the restart button and -- just like Star Wars -- actually came out of the gates firing with Jurassic World (A+) in 2015. Then came the unrealistic creative expectations of a sequel (D in 2018) and the dinosaur turd of a trilogy capper in 2022 (D-).
The Star Trek mythos has lately been exclusive to TV as the Chris Pine-Zachary Quinto film franchise started by J.J. Abrams before he... trekked over to Star Wars in 2012... remains dead in space despite impressive A- (2009), B+ (2013), and A+ (2016) scores for its quasi-trilogy.
Transformers is... yeah, I stopped watching those a long time ago.
Fast and the Furious is about to (British) premier(e) movie number 10. I've seen none of them.
The Matrix came back. Did you know that? Not-so-subtly titled Matrix: Resurrections (C in 2021), it did not have the same effect on the general public.
Daniel Craig's James Bond tenure is done. Tom Cruise will be making Mission Impossible movies even when he's six feet under. Pirates of the Caribbean will probably be revived at some point by desperate Disney theme park stakeholders. Avatar returned, smashed the box office, and has more sequels in the (way of water)works.
My favorite franchise outside the mainstream the last decade has been the Planet of the Apes revival. With consecutive perfect scores in 2011, 2014 and 2017, the Caesar arc was one for the ages. Rumors say a fourth film is in the works... but will it just be sullied and ruined like everything else that is getting churned out in this never-ending pipeline of cinematic feces?
Just leave it be. Stop ruining my memories!
Current OTHER SCIENCE-FICTION MOVIES score: F
Movies (Other)
Despite what this blog mostly covers, I am a very diverse cinephile. Sure, my list of all-time favorite movies is covered in Marvel, Star Wars and Batman. But there's more to me than just an unapologetic nerd.
Let me ask you something: What was the last great movie you saw? It can be any movie. A CGI space adventure (we love those here), a captivating drama, a raunchy comedy, an indy movie (probably from A24), a historical epic... whatever. Just think of it. And then put your card back in the pile.
For me, an A+ is great. A and A- scores still make the vaunted Infinity List, but A+ is an all-timer. A 97/100 and up. One film in 2023 has earned that score, and that is Air. Add up the number of truly memorable films I have seen in the last couple years, and not unlike the Dallas Cowboys offense, you're settling for field goals instead of touchdowns.
Here is a summary of Infinity List qualifiers, taken from another CGI Fridays Rant: "The Cinema Is Dead."
What about A+ movies? A great film in my ***subjective**** opinion.
2012: 16
2013: 21
2014: 21
2015: 17
2016: 14
2017: 18
2018: 12
2019: 10
2020: 3
2021: 3
2022: 3
2023 so far: 1
The pandemic is obviously a clear line in the sand, but that doesn't excuse the drop that started as early as 2018. And it absolutely does not excuse a total lack of quality filmmaking. Before we move on... name the last great comedy you saw.
Current MOVIES (OTHER) score: F (there's almost nothing out there)
Animation
Like little Tarzan above, we were all once young, innocent, smiling, playful young children. Even if it was for just a few months, every single human has once existed in such a state. (What happens next is not a question I want answered.)
I was always pretty advanced for my age, but I wasn't exactly ready for the advanced humor of The Big Lebowski (#103 on the Infinity List), or capable of grasping the intellectual concepts of Forrest Gump (#211), nor did I contemplate the mature themes of Bull Durham (#132), even if it was a sports movie. I didn't come home from elementary school and plop Pulp Fiction (#202) into the VCR. I was more likely to find humor in The Land Before Time than Airplane! (#137).
No, when I was a kid, I watched kid stuff. Animation. Disney movies. Nickelodeon TV shows. I was more a Mighty Morphin Power Rangers than Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles guy. I took over my parents bedroom at night so I could watch Spider-Man cartoons. (I didn't even sit on the bed sometimes -- the floor was fine -- but the room was mine nonetheless.)
My favorite kids movies of all time are Tarzan (#39 on the Infinity List), The Lion King (#66), The Incredibles (#89) and the first three Toy Story's (#57, #71, & #92, respectively). My childhood is filled with these memories and my family nickname growing up was "Cuna" from "Hakuna Matata." These films no doubt stand the test of time. They are bonafide classics, unlike their remakes and numerous imitations that have arrived in the following years.
I can count on one Madagascan aye-aye lemur's six-fingered hand the animated so-called kids movies that have left an impression on me and made the Infinity List in the last decade. Big Hero 6 (A+ in 2014), The Lego Movie (A- in 2014), Kubo and the Two Strings (A in 2016), Incredibles 2 (A+ in 2018), The Lion King remake (A in 2019) and Onward (A- in 2020).
Yet another category that has turned to dust. Thanos should have just snapped all of us away.
Current ANIMATION score: D-
"It's not me it's you."
Dear movies,
I refuse to believe that I am the problem. That growing older and no longer being a child has jaded me. That the constant reminder of the declining state of the world we live in has turned me into a grumpy recluse. I look to movies and other entertainment to lift me up and help me forget reality, even if it's just for hours at a time. It's simply not happening.
Nowadays, movies and other art forms only remind me of the things I am constantly trying to escape: Low effort, cheap commercialism, nonstop advertising, inconsiderate people, and soulless creativity.
Is that just the way things are now? Humanity has made remarkable achievements in the world of technology and medicine. But when it comes to movies and other forms of entertainment...
Well, you tell me.
HUMANITY: TO BE CONTINUED
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